Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
