I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
