Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
