def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
