I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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