She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i think i just lost a toe
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
