I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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