Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
