Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
