She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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