Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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