I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
