a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
