why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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