cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
