Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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