I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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