I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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