woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
