his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
