a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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