Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
