is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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