there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
