FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
