Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
