if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
