life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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