im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
