my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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