I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
