I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
