There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
