I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im holly from the hills drunk
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
3pm strippers are depressing
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
