Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
