It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
