I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
