He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
