but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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