your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
