yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
it's like heaven, but drunker
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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