another moral hangover. fuck.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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