All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
