I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
