So drunk its hurt
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just gift wrapped bread.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
