yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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