That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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