Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the day after is always just damage control
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
