I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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