dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Drunk is not a location!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
