I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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