I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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