Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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