Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
