Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
