my soul wont recognize me after tonight
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
