Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
