can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She is in my trunk
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
