Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
