i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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