I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
