john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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