Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
