Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
